I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
