Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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