k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
