I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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