there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
