I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
