Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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