Kiss
Puke
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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