"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
