Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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