Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
