She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men