Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
