Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.