Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
