I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
