but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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