So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
