I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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