he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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