adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
