the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
