guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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