I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
