we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
