You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
