tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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