fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
