He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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