He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
