kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A+ Viking dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
