To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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