We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
