this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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