it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
vagina is talking i cant
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
