her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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