Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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