This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
