I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
