I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just pee around me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
