I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
