what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
