i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
