I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
