Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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