A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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