he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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