i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
