Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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