"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
