just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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