Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
