i permit you to call me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone signed my nipple.
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