I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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