at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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