So gin and wine won't be happening again
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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