I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
well you can't waste a boner
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
