He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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