Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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