I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
