I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
