is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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