I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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