I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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