you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
