you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
